Two Irish friends leave the pub. One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the
way home.'

'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.'

'We could steal a bus from the depot.' replies his mate.

They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-
out.

After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing? Have you not
found one yet?'

'I can't find a No. 91'

'Oh Jeysus Christ, ye tick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

A Mexican, an American, and a Pollock are all in an airplane Flying over Mexico.

The Mexican drops a pear on his country.

When the American asks why he says he loves his country.

Then they're flying over the US and the American drops an apple.

When the Pollock asks why he says because he loves his country.

Then they're flying over the Pollock's country and the Pollock drops a bomb.

When the American and the Mexican ask why he says because he hates his country.

A while later the Mexican is walking the streets and he sees a boy who is crying.

He asks why and the boy says because a pear fell out of the sky and hit him on the head.

The American is walking the streets and he sees a little girl crying.

When he asks her why she says because an apple fell out of the sky and hit her on the head.

The Pollock is walking the streets and he comes to a man that is laughing.

When he asks him why the man says, "Because I farted and the building behind me blew up!"

Let me make this clear before I start with the story that the whole story is true and factual, and it is not a part of any of my fantasies. I am 19 right now and this is the story of me losing my virginity. When I was in the 11th standard we had school that started at 9 in the morning and ended at 3 in the afternoon. But when this happened we were giving a farewell to our seniors, so we had been working for weeks, practicing dance as I was a part of my school’s dance group. The farewell was organized in the month of December so it was quite cold. And my dance partner was Anoushka who had a really flexible body which curves at places where they needed to be. I could call her thin but definitely not one of those skeleton types. She had hair which was deep brown and her eyes had a certain glitter and excitement in it that could drive thousands men mad after her, and her breasts were quite firm, soft and uptight. I wouldn’t call it large but they were more than perfect for a teenage girl. But the problem was that I had never noticed these features before I came to know that she had a crush on me from one of her friends. I came to know this when we were practicing for the farewell but I didn’t take it seriously. Because we had been good friends and dancing partners for a long time and I had never imagined me falling in love with her.
 
Getting back to where we were, our dancing sessions were going great when I came to know that she had a crush on me but I didn’t take it seriously. Only a week was left for the farewell when suddenly Anoushka stopped talking to me properly, she had stopped enjoying dance with me and it had already been two days since all this was going on, when I became frustrated and when she was alone asked her angrily, “What’s the matter? Why are you behaving like this?” She was taken aback with my sudden anger and quickly burst into tears. I too got shocked at the way she was crying so terribly. We were in an empty classroom but still I was scared that a teacher might pass by and look at her howling. She kept crying and I couldn’t say a word. This time I came really near to her and asked her, “What happened? You can share your problems with me.” She kept crying and in between her cries she said that she loved me but I was not at all responsive nor did I take her friend’s words seriously, this was her problem. Now everything became clear to me and I understood why she was behaving like this it was because I had never paid attention to her or to her love. I really don’t know what happened to me at that moment and I came nearer, removed her soaked hands from her face, looked deep into her wet, sad eyes and kissed her on the lips. No, I did not put my tongue in, nor did she it was just a plain kiss that had lasted long, only our lips were sucking each other and we were tightly wrapped around in each other’s arms. Softly we broke off, she had a blush on her face, it was the first kiss of our lives and I was amazed at the beauty of it, I was not at all horny but I was still excited. In all it was a feeling that cannot be described. She was looking down and slowly she moved her head up, she looked up at me in the eyes, a tear rolled down from it and she softly said, “I love you.” I consider these words to be really important and I believe that when one uses these words he or she should actually mean it. I knew that she meant it and I also realized that I too was in love with her all this time but I had never realized this. I hugged her again and said the three most important words in her ears, hearing this her hands gripped me tighter and we suddenly turned from being single to being in a relationship. We came out of the classroom and behaved normally.
 
The next week was one of the best times that I had, I was in love with Anoushka and dancing with her was beautiful, it brought us closer each and every time we danced in each other’s arms. Everyday we would go out after school roaming around the city. We always had our hands locked with each other and would often kiss and hug each other in lonely roads when no one was around.
 
Finally it was the day of the farewell, everything was prepared well and we were all excited. Ours was the opening dance and we were all free after that. After the dance we came to the greenroom which was common for both girls and boys but the girls were given little rooms for changing clothes. Anoushka and I had already changed back to our normal school uniforms but there was a problem, we could not leave our bags in the greenroom as it was crowded and full, our bags could get lost or stolen if we would leave it there. So I came up with this idea that we could keep our bags in the classroom as that day no one would go there as the whole school got holidays for the winter vacations, it was the last day for us and no classes would be held. Anoushka and I went to our classroom and kept our bags there in a corner. We were tired after the dance and so decided to sit there for some time. We sat on seats close to each other. My left hand met her right hand and squeezed it, our fingers then interlocked, we came even closer and kissed each other. I sucked her lower lip deep into my mouth and nibbled on my upper lip, our bodies came closer and we hugged each other. We kept on kissing without a care of the world, and my hands started rubbing her back for the first time, soon her hands too started moving on my back. I stopped kissing her lips and came down a little kissing her chin to her lower chinto her neck, as soon as I kissed her neck, her head moved backwards, her shoulders shrugged a little and her hands, which were giving pleasure to my back till now, came to my head trying to stop me from what I was doing. This was the first time that i had kissed her with lust out of love. I kept kissing her neck and came a little lower to her neck bone and kept kissing her everywhere there. Then I came back up a little and kissed in the region below her right ear. Her hands were unwillingly trying to stop me and she had started moaning and repeating my name asking me to stop but I knew she was enjoying it as she had started breathing heavily and so I went on. My hands came in front, between our bodies and unbuttoned the second button of her school shirt. Anoushka went back and finally stopped me, she was surprised but not disappointed. I came closer and said to her, “This is not wrong.” But she still looked confused and finally she gave in to her heart. I came closer and caressed her and kissed her and came down kissing again slowly. Her cleavage was visible and I came to her cleavage kissing each and every part of her skin that was not covered with her shirt. I opened her third button and her white bra was now visible, I kept kissing her and she kept moaning. This time I opened all her buttons together and took off her shirt and surprisingly she did not question me this time, she was just very shy. I kept kissing and nibbling her and at the same time my hands went to her back and it reached her bra. My hands struggled to open it and Anoushka kept moaning, soon the hook was open and her whole smooth back was fully bare. I came up and kissed her on the lips but this with lots of lust and hunger and our tongues met each other for the first time. My hands took off the bra completely, I stopped kissing her and came back a little to admire her. She closed her eyes due to shyness and I kept admiring her breasts and stomach, the curves that were so perfect had driven me crazy. Her fair skin was smooth and soft, her breasts were soft and big in proportion to the rest of her body. She slowly opened her eyes and came closer to me, her hands reached my shirt and slowly unbuttoned it. We started kissing each other again and my hands reached her breasts that seemed like a sack of cotton. I kept pressing and caressing her breasts but softly. I then stopped and took off my unbuttoned shirt and my pants. I was not wearing a vest and she was staring at my built body and then at the big bulge in my underpants.
 
We stood up, I brought her near a desk and made her sit on it and then I went to the door and locked it. I came back and on my way we smiled at each other and admired each other’s body. I hugged her and then my hands reached her breasts and pressed it, I pinched her nipples very lightly in response to which she moaned loudly and we kept kissing each other. She was still wearing her skirt and my hands reached under it and took off her white panties, she tried to stop me but I was too fast to be stopped. While taking off her panties I touched her smooth, waxed legs and went down till her toe. I came back up kissing her where ever possible, and we soon started kissing each other on the lips madly. I made her lie down on the teacher’s big desk, with her legs hanging. I spread it and pushed the skirt up, I had the first look of her vagina, which had little hair that too was scarce. I brought my lips close to her vagina kissed it and she sprung up asking me to stop. I asked her, “What happened?” And she asked, ”What are you doing?” I asked her, “Are you enjoying?” She in response gave a little nod, and I said, “Then just lay back enjoy it.” She laid back and I went back to her vagina. I had seen a lot of porn movies and did what I could from what I had seen in those movies. I licked her vagina and she moaned loudly, I then tried sucking and she moaned even louder. I kept on with this until my whole mouth was filled with her vaginal juice and Anoushka had her first orgasm that day after a lot of moans and pleasurable screams. There were also juices dripping on her legs, I went down and licked all of them up. By now my penis was straining to get out of my underpants, I pulled it down and went down and kissed Anoushka, we were kissing each other when her hands reached my hard penis and started stroking it slowly, I had never seen my penis grow so hard and long and thick, it was looking fierce with all its veins coming out and its muscles that were so hard. I got up, spread her legs again and put my penis on her vagina, I rubbed it on its line as they do it in the porn movies and I found a little hole. I tried to push it in a little, and only a part of the head got in, Anoushka gasped, I tried to push in a little more and the head of my penis went in, Anoushka screamed a little. I felt a stop here where I tried to push in but it was really difficult, I gave a hard thrust and my whole penis went in and Anoushka screamed loudly, her hymen had broken and she was in pain, I went down a little and kissed her, there were tears in her eyes and I could feel her pain. I came back up and took out my penis a little and thrust it back in, I made these moves faster, Anoushka’s cries soon turned into moans and then screams. I soon came in her but she still did not have an orgasm so I kept thrusting slowly as I was still erect, I became faster and Anoushka had her second orgasm of the day. I brought out my penis which covered with a little blood.
 
We rested for some time and wiped ourselves. But then I was again turned on, and I opened her legs, put my penis into her tight vagina and started with small thrusts, slowly I became faster and much more vigorous than the first time, she too was responding to my thrusts and moaning my name loudly. I started humping as fast as I could and she started screaming and after some louder screams she became quieter, she just had the third orgasm of the day. I was not close to ejaculating so I humped faster and faster, Anoushka soon started screaming my name again and had her fourth orgasm, I too ejaculated just after her and even the second time a load of sperm was shot into her vagina.